What Happened to My Preemie?

Because there really isn't anything "preemie" about him these days.  He seems like a typical 3.5 month old.  He is cooing, smiling and "standing" in my lap. He gets mad when we don't feed him fast enough and he smiles when we tickle his chins (notice I said chins and not neck).  He stares at himself in the mirror and he studies my mouth when I sing to him.  I love watching him change before my eyes, but it makes me sad that these days are flying by.  Friday I got to go to Carters and drop a pretty penny to buy his 6 month wardrobe, which was fun.  But, I spent today packing up all of his 3 month clothes.  I felt like such a sap going through every piece and smelling them and folding them and putting them away.  I am glad I have this blog because I don't want to forget a single minute of these times!
There are weeks I feel like I have nothing to write in this blog, but hten I realize that's a good thing.  When I started this blog I spent my time dwelling on ounces gained and irregular heartrates.  I am so happy I don't have to worry about those things.  If the hardest thing I have to deal with is packing up D's 3 month clothes, I consider myself pretty darn lucky!

All is Well...

But it didn't feel that way earlier in the week.  Last weekend we noticed a lump on the back of D's head.  I was really thinking it was just a swollen lymph node, so I didn't panic.  I took him to the doctor and she told me it was NOT a lymph node and she wasn't sure what it was.  So, she sent us down the street to the hospital for an ultrasound.  The looked at his brain and the lump.  Unfortunately, we didn't get any answers from the ultrasound and he was scheduled for an MRI at another hospital on Thursday.  The doctor told us we would then have an appointment at Riley sometime after the MRI.  There is just something about being told you have to take your kid to Riley that just scares you.  While the MRI itself was painless, getting his IV was horrible.  It took 4 tries and 3 nurses.  D was screaming and I was sobbing.  I just hated that my little man had to be back in the hospital and was in pain  Luckily, the lump was diagnosed as a heamngioma, which is a benign mass of tissue and blood vessels that will eventually go away.  We likely won't have to have it removed, but our appointment at Riley will serve to hopefully confirm that.  We have joked that D is really trying hard to be an only child by putting us through all of these scares!
We did find out that he is up to 12 lbs and measures 23 inches.  It's hard to believe just 3 short months ago he was only 4 lbs, 16.5 inches and living in an isolet.  Now, he is a growing baby who brings tears to my eyes everytime he smiles.  And, yesterday he giggled for the first time.  It was the most beautiful sound I have ever heard!  Also, he slept through the night last night!  11:30pm - 8am.  I shot awake at 6:22 when I realized he hadn't woken up yet.  I checked on him and laid back down.  I couldn't really go back to sleep myself because I kept expecting him to wake up.  I'm not getting my hopes up, but I am hoping this trend continues!

Our New Normal

Well, we all survived my first week back to work!  As much as I loved being home with D, I really feel better now that I am back to work.  It is nice to have a schedule (or at least the beginnings of one).  Our new family of 3 is working together to get into some sort of routine.  It looks like getting up early enough to pump, feed D, unload the dishwasher, make the bottles for the day and load up the dirty bottles is our new normal.  And, to be honest, I wouldn't have it any other way.  The drive home every night is the best.  I am so excited to get home and see my little man.  I am learning to appreciate every minute with D.  I am also learning how to do other things...like pump at work.  I generally don't discuss my pumping too often, but last week's comedy of errors deserve to be recorded.  I bought a 2nd pump to leave at work because, let's be honest, I would constantly forget parts of it if I was hauling it back and forth.  So, last Sunday night I got it all packed up and felt good about the upcoming week.  Well, Monday morning I hang my "Pumping: Do Not Enter" sign on my office door and start hooking up the pump when I notice I have forgotten the tubes.  So, I ended up only working a half day because I had to go home to pump.  Tuesday I spilled half of the milk I pumped.  They say don't cry over spilled milk, wel "they" don't have trouble making enough milk for their babies.  Thursday I realized I washed a necessary part of the pump down the drain and I had to go to the store to buy a replacement.  So, to recap: Day 1=fail, Day 2=fail, Day 3=success, Day 4=fail, Day 5=success.  Let's hope this week is better!

Dominic got his Synagis shot on Saturday and he weighed in at 11lbs 9oz!  It is amazing how happy my baby's weight makes me.  I love knowing he is growing into a healthy boy.

Well, here goes week 2 of being a working mom!

D and his lady friend, Harper

D trying to decide which Sowers girl to pursue

Too bad he won't be allowed to date until he is 30!

Nothing better than a freshly bathed baby

Hoo-Hoo-Hoo-Hoosiers!

The End of an Era

Well, my short-lived career as a stay-at-home mom is coming to an end, in other words, my maternity leave is over.  Going back to work tomorrow is such a mixed bag.  I am anxious to finally be a practicing attorney, 3.5 months after I was sworn in.  But, I have loved spending my days with D and I am going to miss cuddling him whenever I want to.  The fact that his Grandma PJ will be watching him makes the transition a little less painful (at least I hope that's the case).

Our last week home together was pretty uneventful.  I held him more than usual and I napped more than usual, but other than that we just spent our last week of maternity leave hanging out.  On Thursday D got his second round of vaccines.  I asked them to do a weight check and he weighed in at 10lbs 15oz!!  I can't believe my 4lb preemie is practically 11lbs.  We have had a lot of struggles with feedings and I get very discouraged with all the pumping, but knowing he is growing so well makes all the frustrations worth it!

It's the Little Things

I can't believe Dominic is almost 11 weeks old!  He is getting so big and doing more everyday.  But, I often have to remind myself he is only 3 1/2 weeks adjusted.  I don't know if other preemie moms have a hard time with this, but sometimes it is frustrating and nerveracking to have a baby that is one age, but developmentally you know is another.  While I know I shouldn't expect more of him than you would expect of a 3.5 week old, it's tough, because he has been in our lives 3 times that long!  I am so anxious for the coos, the regular smiles, the interaction.  But, we're not quite there yet.  However, I think waiting longer makes those little milestones that much sweeter.  D is staying awake for hours at a time now.  It is wonderful watching his big eyes just look around and take it all in.  He is starting to grab at things and hold onto them (hair, necklaces and the like), he gives us smiles here and there.  I know I have to be patient with him, but sometimes it's hard.

We got some good news this week.  D had been approved by insurance for 3 Synagis shots (to help combat RSV) and he got his first one in December.  That one was paid for because we had met our deductible.  But, our high-deductible plan started over on January 1st so the $2,400 (each!) shots would be 100% out of pocket.  Needless to say, we cannot afford that.  I was feeling down about it and talking to the nurse about how we weren't going to be able to get it.  She suggested I fill out this form requesting assistance from the manufacturer.  I didn't hold out much hope, but it was a short form, so I figured what the heck.  Well, I got a call this week from the nurse and we were approved and will have to pay $0 out of pocket!!  This was the best news!  I am so happy the nurse suggested it and pushed me to fill out the form.  It made me feel terrible to not be able to give D something that could help him stay healthy and now I don't have to worry about it!

Another big development is the move to the crib is complete.  Tuesday D spent his first night in the crib.  He did just fine and I fell asleep watching him sleep on our video monitor.  He's not really any closer to sleeping through the night, but I think the sleep we both get is better because we aren't disturbing each other throughout the night.

D gets the rest of his 2 month vaccines on Thursday so he will get weighed again.  I am anxious to see how big my little chunk is then!



Bath time



So fresh and so clean

Ready to go out to dinner

My whole world on one couch <3

It Won't Be Like This for Long

As a preemie D is expected to stay in the newborn phase longer than a term baby.  While this may mean he will stay cuddly longer, it also means it may take longer to get his days and nights straightened out, to sleep through the night, etc.  The last few nights D has decided to wake up in the middle of the night and refuse to go back to sleep.  While we are so lucky he doesn't spend this time screaming or anything, the lack of sleep is taking its toll (as any parent can attest to).  I find myself wishing he was just a little older and we were psat this stage.  I mean, I want to sleep.  I was making lasgna tonight and realized I forgot the noodles!  I need to sleep.  But, this weekend I was in the car and I heard Darius Rucker (yes, Hootie!) sing the words, "it won't be like this for long."  The last 9.5 weeks have gone so quickly and I know the next 9.5 years will too.  Someday I will be wishing D was a little baby again, but it is hard to think that in the middle of the night when I am exhausted.  Good thing Hootie was there to remind me to enjoy every minute of these times, no matter how stressful, confusing or exhausting they are.

Dominic had his 2 month appointment last Monday and he tipped the scales at 9lbs 3oz!  He has more than doubled his weight since he was born.  He measured 20.5 inches.  He is measured against other 2 month olds born at 32 weeks and in that group his weight is in the 89th percentile and his height is in the 77th percentile.  I am so proud of my big boy.  When I look at his chubby face I can hardly remember the 4lb preemie I brought into this world just 2 short months ago.  His peditrician said if he continues gaining well we won't have to fortify my breastmilk anymore, meaning he won't need the extra calories.   

Yesterday I got my first real smile from D.  And it was definitely real, he was wide awake and he wasn't pooping!  At the moment he gave me that toothless grin my heart actually melted!  Today he took his first nap in his crib.  At night he sleeps in our room in a bassinet and he usually sleeps in his bouncy chair during the day.  Since I am going back to work in 2 weeks I figured it was time to work on getting him into his room.  He slept soundly in there for over 2 hours and I probably checked on him 100 times.  I don't know why it's so hard to move him out of our room when his room is right across the hall, but it is!  But, I have to toughen up and I plan to complete the big move this week.

I wanted to give a quick thank you to everyone who voted on Facebook in the photo contest.  It was so heartwarming to see all the nice comments (and to realize we had so many people who were willing to humor us!).  Unfortunately, he didn't win.  But that's okay, he's still the cutest little guy in my book!

I realized this week I didn't do a good job taking pictuers.  I'll do better next week :)


The name tag one of the NICU nurses made during one of D's first nights there.  We had it framed and it is hanging in his room.



My little burrito

Happy Two Months!

D has only been in our lives for 2 months, but now I can't imagine life without him!  In honor of this day I posted our birth story below.  It's pretty long, but it's there if anyone is interested in reading it.

The Rabiola family had a pretty good week.  On Monday we took treats to the hospital.  There were 3 nurses we really wanted to see (2 NICU nurses and the nurse that delivered D) and we were so happy all 3 of them were there!  First we went to the antepartum floor.  It was so weird to walk onto that floor with D.  The nurse was so excited to see him and it sure was nice to see her.  I truly credit the nurses on that floor with keeping me pregnant long enough for D to be healthy.  For that, I will be forever indebted to them.  She told us about a reunion picnic they do in the summer.  We will definitely be going to that!  We weren't able to actually go on the floor of the NICU, but the 2 nurses came out to see us.  They both held him and doted on him.  One of the nurses always loved picking out his outfits, so I made sure he looked extra handsome when we went.  D even woke up for a little bit to visit.  It was os wonderful to see the love they had for a former patient.  Those women were wonderful and they obviously love what they do!

I hate to jinx us, but D is starting to develop a sleep/eating pattern.  He takes his last bottle around 9:30pm and then sleeps until 3.  Then, he eats again around 9am.  You may be thinking this sounds great and the first block is, but after the 3am feeding he likes to be awake until 4:30 or 5.  He doesn't really fuss, he just wants to be held and look around.  Since I'm not back to work yet it's not horrible, but man, I wish he would do that at his 3pm feeding instead of his 3am feeding!

It's amazing how much D continues to grow.  He is now out of newborn clothes and is into his 0-3mos clothes!  He has what seems like 100 0-3mos outfits.  So, I am going to have fun putting him in all of them.  It's hard to believe less than 2 months ago he was swimming in preemie clothes and now he is wearing the size he would have worn if he was born full-term.  I am so proud of my big boy and we are so blessed he is healthy! 

He has his 2 month well-visit tomorrow.  I am already dreading the shots.  We have decided to follow an alternative vaccination schedule.  He will get some of the regular 2 month vaccines, but not all of them at once.  Our pediatrician is wonderful and she is happy to work with us so that we are comfortable with the vaccines.  I definitely want D to be fully vaccinated, but he is smaller than a typical 2 month old so I just feel better spreading out his shots and we are lucky to have a doc who supports this.

It really is amazing how quickly the past two months have gone!  I love seeing D grow and change, but I also want him to stay a baby forever!!

Birth Story

I never recorded our "birth story" and while I know I will never forget that day, I wanted to get it in writing.  So, in honor of D being 2 months old today, I thought today should be the day.  I will also do a post about our week.  If you don't want to read all this I understand...I just wanted it recorded for posterity :)  I will be posting another entry with updates on D and pics in a bit.

October 14th was my swearing in ceremony.  The ceremony was at the convention center and there was a lot of standing around that morning.  I wasn't used to standing so much and I was uncomfortable by the end.  However, I didn't think much of it.  I blamed my discomfort on all the standing.  I went to work that afternoon and ended up working a few hours late.  Then, Nick and I went to dinner and picked up a birthday gift.  Around 10pm I went pee and as I was walking out of the bathroom I felt like I peed my pants.  It wasn't anything drastic like on TV, but something wasn't right.  I was hesitant to call the doctor because I really thought I peed my pants, I mean, I was only 29 weeks pregnant, there was no way my water broke.  After talking with a friend who is a nurse I decided to call the after-hours service.  The on-call doctor called me back and very calmly told me I should come into labor and delivery to get checked out.  So, Nick and I headed to Community East.  We weren't panicked or anything because we both really thought it was nothing.  In fact, we kept joking that we were going to the hospital at 11pm to be told I peed my pants.  When we got to the hospital there was a moment of panic because we didn't even know where the labor and delivery unit was (we were scheduled to take a tour at the beginning of November).  Once we got up there it just so happened that a friend's mother-in-law was my nurse.  We were still joking around and just chatting.  The nurse told us she was going to do a quick test and if the swab turned blue it meant my water broke.  Let's just say there was no question, that swab turned dark blue fast.

I can still see the nurse holding up that swab.  In a very calm "nurse voice" she told me they were going to do a few things very quickly and call an ambulance.  That's when I really panicked.  An ambulance?  I was already at the hospital!  She explained that I need to go to Community North because East's NICU wasn't equipped to handle a 29 week preemie.  I started crying and Nick, as usual, stayed calm, but I could see he was scared too.  I had to speak with North on the phone to give them my information.  The woman asked my occupation and what do ya know, I was able to say attorney!  They hooked me up to an IV and began pumping me full of magnesium sulfate, which felt like fire in my veins.  This was to stop the contractions I didn't know I was having.  I was given a shot of steroids to help develop D's lungs and then I was whisked into the ambulance.  Nick couldn't ride with me, but the nurse did.  It was all so surreal and we both were really thinking we were having a baby that night.

By the time I got to North my contractions had stopped and they had me on IV antibiotics (infection is a big concern once your water breaks).  The doctor explained that it didn't look like we were having a baby that night, but I was going to be there until we did.  The next 3 weeks and 4 days were full of ups and downs.  I would have contractions and then they would go away.  D's fluid levels would look good and then they would drop.  His heart rate would be strong and then it would drop.  I knew it was a real possibility that I would have to have an emergency c-section because D was in distress because of the lack of fluid.  But, we never got to that point.  He stayed strong and just kept growing

The evening of November 7th I was feeling pretty uncomfortable.  I even mentioned it to Nick, but I was thinking it was just me getting bigger that was causing my discomfort.  At that point I was on a contraction monitor for 4 hours and off for 2.  No contractions were being picked up so I didn't think anything of it.  At 2am the nurse came in and took me off my monitors for my 2 hour break.  That was usually when I slept the best bcause I could move around more.  But, I didn't sleep at all.  My back hurt and I just couldn't get comfortable.  When the nurse came back in at 4 I told her how uncomfortable I was.  She said they didn't sound like contractions and she gave me some Tylenol and said she would check in a little later.  Well, by 5:30 I knew something was going on.  The pain would come in waves and I would have to grip the side of the bed.  The nurse hadn't come back and Nick was sleeping.  I woke Nick up (using some obscenities) and told him something was happening and I was angry the nurse hadn't come back.  Nick comes and looks at the monitor and tells me "well, no contractions are showing on the monitor."  That comment got him a few more obscenities and we called for the nurse.  She also told me nothing was showing on the monitor (if one more person mentioned the monitor they were getting punched!).  Finally, she moved it on my belly and BAM it stated picking up the contractions I knew I had been having. 

At this point it was around 6:30am and I was 2cm dilated.  This is when I started crying (and would continue crying the rest of the day).  She told the doctor my contractions were bringing me to tears.  She had no idea my tears had nothing to do with the pain.  I was so scared because I just wasn't ready for him to be born yet.  I wanted him to get bigger and stronger first.  She gave me some Nubane for the pain (which was wonderful) and the gave me some IV fluids to see if the contractions would stop.  They didn't.  By the time my doctor got there around 8:30 I was 4cm dilated and she told me I could get my epidural.  This made me cry more because it really made it real.  By the time the anesthesiologist got there I was sobbing and he thought I was scared of the epidural.  Again, nope.  The nurse told Nick he should probably leave the room while they did the epidural (or at least sit down).  He wouldn't.  He stayed the whole time.  At first the epidural gave me a splitting headache, but it went away pretty quickly and I was comfortable and much calmer.  Our parents were all there after the epidural set in and we just kind of hung out.  By 2:15pm I was fully dilated.  The parents were kicked out and the doctor said I could try pushing.  Well, that ws much easier said than done.  I tried to push but I couldn't feel anything because of the epidural.  So, we waited about an hour.  At that point 4 nurses from the NICU came into the room so they could take care of D when he came.  At about 3:15pm I started pushing.  D's heart rate was going down so I had to wear an oxygen mask as I pushed.  I pushed through 3 contractions and on the 4th one, at 3:31pm, Dominic Scott Rabiola was born!

I swear I didn't breathe until I heard him cry.  When I hear his little squawk everything else disappeared.  His cord was tied in a perfect knot, so it is good he came when he did.  Nick cut his cord and the NICU nurses "puffed" his lungs, cleaned him off and let me hold him for just a minute.  Then they had to take him up to the NICU.  Our family was right outside in the waiting area and the nurses asked if they could show him to them on the way out.  Of course we said yes.  I would have liked to have seen them try to get past the grandparents without letting them look!

I got cleaned up and the families came in to wait for word from the doctor.  After about 2 hours Nick was able to go up and see him.  I couldn't because of the epidural.  While he was up there the doctor came down and gave us the stats (4lbs, 16.5 inches) and told us he was breathing on his own and looked great!  Nick then took our parents up there in shifts to see him.  It was hard to see everyone else going up there, but a few hours later I was able to go see him.  I didn't get to hold him that night.  But, first thing the next morning I was up there and I got to hold him.

To say things didn't go how I planned would be an understatement.  But, none of that matters now.  We have our perfect, beautiful, healthy son home with us and we love him with all of our hearts...and that is what matters!

Happy New Year!

Wow, it's 2012!  Nick, D and I spent a nice evening at the house with a couple of our closest friends.  We watched the Hoosiers win, played some games and just enjoyed our evening.  To make it even more enjoyable D slept 5.5 hours in a row last night!  Before becoming a mother I would have never thought I would be excited about getting 5.5 hours of sleep, but it sure was nice!

As cliche' as it sounds I have made the following New Years' resolutions:
1.  Lose weight (as I said, I know it's cliche' but hey, I just had a baby).
2.  Get organized (again cliche', but again, I just had a baby).
3.  Don't take things for granted (the last few months have taught me that nothing is a given and I am really going to try to be grateful for the blessings I have been given).
4.  I WILL update this blog every Sunday!

As a family we have so much to look forward to this year.  The end of 2011 was a little rocky but we ended on a high note.  We get to spend 2012 as a family watching D grow.  I can't believe next year at this time we will have a 1 yr old.  In all honesty I would love for D to stay this little forever (but maybe start sleeping through the night!).  I would love it if he would let me just hold and kiss him forever, but I know he won't.  He is going to continue to grow and one day he will want to run around all day instead of cuddle.  One day he will be too embarassed to let me kiss all over him.  But that's not today.  For now, he is the cuddliest little boy I could ask for.  I can hug him, squeeze him and kiss him whenever I want.

I know 2012 will be even better than 2011.  I hope all of you are looking forward to the new year as well!

D and his big bro doing what they do best...napping

Our first family picture of 2012

This is what 83 cookies and 24 cups of puppy chow looks like!  I made these treats for the NICU and antepartum nurses.