Today's My Due Date...

...and I am sitting here holding my 7 week old son!  I thank God everyday for my beautiful boy, but I have missed being pregnant.  I have missed feeling those kicks and being able to keep him all to myself.  I have missed absently rubbing my "baby bump" and smiling at the thought of who was growing inside of me.  I can't believe it's been almost 11 weeks since my water broke and I felt terrified.  I can't believe it has been over 7 weeks since D came barreling into this world and I felt relieved.  And I can't believe it has been exactly one month since we brought him home and I felt complete.

As a preemie D's milestones will be measured based on his due date, not his birthday.  So, today is exciting because he is no longer in the negative, so to speak.  He has already changed so much and I am excited to see how much he will continue to change in the coming weeks.  A week ago he weighed 7lbs 7oz, so I am assuming he is pushing 8lbs now.  As of Christmas he measured 20in!  He is taking almost 3oz (80 mL to be exact) per feeding (compared to 36 mL when he was in the NICU).  He is actually staying awake in between feedings.  He is very observant.  He loves the Christmas tree lights and his play mat.  He digs his paci (as does Rusty, who we are constantly wrestling pacis from).  He is a content little man.  He enjoys being held, but he is also happy to lounge in his boppy or hang out in his bouncy chair.  He's not the biggest fan of baths, but he has to take them.  Sometimes because he pees on himself and sometimes because mommy likes the smell of clean baby!  He has crazy hair and chubby cheeks and he is perfect.

I hope that we have now reached my due date I can put some of my lingering sadness about missing out on pregnancy to rest.  I have so much to be thankful for and as hard and disappointing as my pregnancy was the end result was amazing!

For those who care enough to still check out this blog, I apologize for not posting regularly now that D is home.  But, I am making a commitment to post every Sunday evening.  That way I can post some of the pictures from the week and updates on D.

Just hanging out on his Boppy

Relaxing in his bouncy chair

Opening presents is exhausting

Our little family

The cutest bum in town

He may not have a neck, but he does have several chins

A Day Late and a Dollar Short

Well, I meant to post this yesterday, but time has a way of getting away from me.  So, let's just pretend it is yesterday.

One month ago I spent most of the day crying.  First, I was crying because I was so darn uncomfortable.  I was dead tired but I couldn't sleep because I was in pain.  Then, I was crying tears of frustration because no one believed I was having contractions because they weren't showing up on the monitor.  Then, I was crying tears of anger because I was not very happy with my nurse.  Then, the scared tears started.  These went on for awhile.  I wasn't scared to be going into labor, I was scared to be going into labor at 32 weeks and 5 days.  I was scared my son wasn't strong enough to come into this world.  I was scared I wasn't strong enough to take care of him yet.  I was just scared.  Labor went quick and then I heard D cry and a whole different set of tears started.   Tears of relief that my son was okay, tears of joy that I had just brought a perfect baby into this world and tears of love - a type of love I didn't even know was possible until that day.  One month ago our lives changed forever, for the better!

I have cried many times since then.  I cried everytime I had to leave D.  I cried the first time he nursed.  I cried when he had brady episodes.  I cried when he came home.  I still cry when I think of everything that has happened since that night my water broke.  But, I also smile a lot.  Everytime I look at D's chubby cheeks I smile.  Everytime he pees on himself I smile.  Everytime I talk about him I smile.  I am smiling as I type this.  This past month has been the toughest, most wonderful month of my life and I look forward to every month after this one.

Dominic is continuing to grow!  I took him to the doctor for his Hep B vaccine (we both shed a few tears) on Tuesday and he weighed 6 lbs.  He is starting to stay awake more and "talk" more.  We are working on getting into our new routine and learning new things about our little man everyday!

Holidays, RSV, Family and Friends...Oh My!

As a preemie Dominic's immune system is not as strong as term babies.  During the winter months RSV is passed around like crazy.  In adults it manifests itself like a typical winter cold.  Even term babies show typical cold symptoms.  But, it can be much more serious for preemies.  Luckily, D was almost 33 weeks when he was born, so his risk isn't quite as high as some preemies born earlier, but we still have to be cautious.  So, we have a giant bottle of hand sanitizer by the front door.  We aren't letting kids come visit the house.  We are only letting grandparents hold him and we have to be annoying and ask everyone if they are feeling sick before they come visit.  We won't be taking D out to busy places (i.e., the store on a Saturday afternoon).  It may not sound like much, but it is tough and it bums me out sometimes.  I am proud of my son and I think he may be the cutest baby ever (so what if I am biased!), so of course I want to take him out and show him off.  But instead, when we do go out, we go when places are the least busy, we leave him covered and we shy away if we see someone approaching.  I want my friends to come visit and be able to cuddle with him, but instead, we hold him while we have visitors and allow them to just look at him.  I want my friends with kids to come visit, but it's hard when we say no children.  I want to go up and celebrate the holidays with my friends and family, but it's just not feasible until D is stronger.

We are hoping our insurance approves the Synagis shot for D, which acts as somewhat of an RSV vaccination.  However, like everything with insurance, we are getting the runaround!  D's neonatologist has said his risk for RSV is low, so if we aren't approved, it's not a big deal.  D's pediatrician has said it's important we do leave the house sometimes.  We just need to go during less busy times.  Several of D's nurses told us numerous times that we should welcome visitors, we just need to be aware.  So, we are trying to take everyone's advice.  We will go out to dinner on a Monday evening, we won't meltdown if D isn't approved for the Synagis shot and we will welcome our friends and family into our home and share our little miracle with them!

Now that we're home we don't get to weigh D every night, but at his pediatrician appointment this week he weighed 5 1/2 lbs!  He is still very sleepy and we have to wake him up for most feedings, but he is staying awake more often.  I can't believe I already had to pack up all of his preemie clothes...but, he has some pretty cute newborn clothes!!

Dominic and his puppy dog

November 29th

Today represents several things.  Today D is 3 weeks old.  Today is exactly one month from my due date.  And, most importantly, Dominic came home today!  After more than 6 weeks we left the hospital for the last time...and we had our son with us!

Yesterday we knew we would be bringing him home today if he didn't have any bradys.  We didn't really tell anyone because we didn't want to jinx it.  But, it was the most stressful day ever.  I hardly slept last night because I was so nervous/anxious.  But, I should have had more faith in my strong little man!  At around 8:30 this morning the nurse came in and unplugged his monitor and he was free!

All day Nick and I will just randomly look at each other and say "we're home, with a baby"!  Rusty is taking it pretty well.  D can be kinda grunty, which is sort of freaking Rusty out.  But other than that, he doesn't pay much attention to him.

Our NICU journey is over...but now, the journey of our new life is beginning!

Getting ready for his first car ride

An Ode to Dad

Dominic is a lucky boy and I am a lucky lady.  D has a wonderful daddy and I have a wonderful husband.  This entire experience has made me realize just how lucky I am.  When I was on bed rest Nick spent every single night at the hospital and he would come by on his lunch hour everyday.  He washed my hair for me when I couldn't do it, when I had to pee in a "bedside commode" he would wake up and empty it for me, everyday before he left for work he would fill up my water and make sure I had everything I needed within arm's reach.  They wanted him to leave the room when they gave me my epidural, but he wouldn't.  He stayed with me the whole time! 

Since D was born, he has continued to step up.  He has let me cry, yell and sit in silence as I sort through my feelings.  He made me go home so I could sleep in my own bed, but when he saw that was making me feel worse, he completely supported my decision to basically move back into the hospital.  When I wasn't eating he reminded me all the time how important it was and would go pick up any random food I could bring myself to eat.  He has even made 2 trips to the maternity store to buy me nursing bras!  He is an active part in D's care.  He changes diapers, feeds him, helps me bathe him and gets up in the middle of the night.  And, he hasn't complained, not once!

When I was on bedrest everyone always asked how I was doing and now that D is here, everyone always asks how he is doing, but not many people think to ask Nick how he is coping.  I am just as guilty as anyone of this.  I take for granted how stoic he is.  I am sure he has felt sad, angry, confused and frustrated, but he has never shown those feelings to me because I believe he is too concerned for my well-being.

I have a seen a side of him I haven't seen in the years we have been together.  I couldn't make it through this without him.  I know he will teach Dominic how to be a good person.  Some people may say he needs to turn in his "man card" because of some of the things he has done recently, but I would beg to differ.  Doing all of the things he has done is what makes him a man...and a good one at that!

My other man is wonderful as well!  He is still gaining weight like a champ and is up to 5lbs 5.2oz.  He is eating 50ml at each feeding with no problem.  And, he passed his carseat test today!  I had to run some errands so the nurse did the test then.  I walked in his room and there was my little man, just hanging out in his carseat.  It is so hard to believe my little man is now able to sit in a carseat.  As a preemie we will be celebrating milestones that term babies don't, but that is okay.  We will celebrate anyways!

Speaking of dads...here's my dad holding D for the 1st time today

He's such a good test taker!

Daddy feeding D (as a preemie we have to hold him sideways to feed him)

I love this squishy face!

NICU-titious

As I posted earlier, our NICU experience has been like a roller coaster ride.  We have our ups and our downs and we never know what to expect.  Because of this I have become NICU-titious.  This made up word refers to me being superstitious about things going well and us getting out of here.  For example, the other day the nurse and I were talking about bradys and how stressful they are, etc and bam, D decides to brady.  So, I have decided there will be no more talk of bradys in this room!  Similarly, I have decided I won't be posting much about the specifics of our "brady count".  I just don't want to get my hopes up and ramble on here and then have something go wrong.  So, suffice it to say, D is doing well, but we are continuing to take it day by day.  And, please keep praying for his little heart to stay strong!

D gained alomst an ounce today and is up to 5lbs 2.8oz.  He is now feeding from a big boy bottle (Dr. Brown's instead of the little hospital bottles).  Nick brought his car seat up tonight, so I am thinking they will do his car seat test tomorrow.  And, he is now in his newborn clothes.  They're a little big, but no more preemie clothes for my big boy!

Very good at relaxing...just like Daddy!

My sleeper says it all!

Family Ties

With it being a holiday weekend there was family in town.  Dominic got to spend some time with his Grandma Kim (my mom), he met his Uncle Derek for the first time and he met his great aunts Sue and Kari as well as his great uncle Rich.  There is more family in town, but, unfortunately, children aren't allowed on the NICU during RSV season, so we didn't get to see everyone.  But, we know next year at this time D will be strong and healthy and mixing it up with all of his cousins.

D also pooped on his dad (and his clothes) today.  At another changing he peed all over his clothes.  So, he is on his 3rd outfit of the day.  This is all good and fine except he is outgrowing his preemie clothes and we haven't gotten home yet to get his newborn clothes.  So, he needs to keep it under control until Nick goes home tomorrow to get his new clothes.  The pooping episode took place while my brother was close by.  As soon as he realized what was going on he snuck to the other side of the room.  Not suprising, he was not real keen on witnessing anymore diaper changes.  With the amount of times D has peed on himself these last few weeks he reminds me of a drunk frat guy (ahem, no names mentioned) who just passes out after too much to drink (of milk, in D's case) and can't be bothered to make it to the bathroom!

Other than Nick getting pooped on, today has been a pretty good day (although I would argue it was an even better day because he got pooped on!).  D is holding strong and he gained weight again...he's up to 5lbs 2oz.  We are hoping this is our last weekend here, but I don't want to get my hopes up or jinx anything.  Instead, we will just continue taking things one day at a time!

Hanging out, waiting to be weighed

I Used to Like Roller Coasters

When I was growing up we used to go to Cedar Point every summer.  I loved those trips because I loved roller coasters.  Sometimes I would get to take a friend and we would ride on every coaster together.  But, if I didn't take a friend, my dad would ride with me.  Our NICU experience is like a roller coaster ride that won't end.  Unfortunately, it's not nearly as fun as the Magnum or the Demon Drop.

Yesterday I was kinda bummed out because of the brady and some crushed hopes.  Then, D had another quick brady at his 3am feeding.  Well, today the nurse practitioner came in and said he is looking really good and the brady this morning doesn't count because it happened when he was feeding, it was quick and it was self resolved.  She said the ones they are concerned about are the ones that happen when he is asleep.  He hasn't one of those since the 23rd.  So, in the last 24 hours I have gone from being sad and weepy to being cautiously optimistic.  Of course, I am refusing to let myself get too hopeful, because I know this crazy ride can take a turn for the worse at any time!

Besides taking all feedings by mouth and keeping his heart rate under control, D also has to pass a carseat test before he can go home.  Simply put, he has to be able to sit in a carseat and not drop his head too much to cause breathing troubles.  So, Nick is going to bring the carseat up here on Sunday and we will probably try the test then.  D also got circumcised today (another step towards going home!).  The doctor told us we could stay in the room while they did it.  Yeah right...are you kidding me?!?  We hightailed it outta here.  The nurse told us he didn't cry at all and he only fussed for a few minutes afterwards.  He has been sleepy all day, but he has still taken all his bottles like a champ.  And for the very exciting news...he is up to 5lbs 0.8oz!!  The nurses keep commenting on how full his face is getting.  And, his little belly is getting round.  I can't believe how far we have come in the past few weeks.  Right now, we are on the fun part of the roller coaster.  Let's just hope we don't have to go back to the part that makes me feel like I am going to lose my lunch!

Very tired after his big day!

Trying to be Thankful

**Disclaimer**  I am feeling pretty sorry for myself today, but I am listening to Christmas music and really working on being thankful.

Today started out pretty good.  Dominic has continued to do well with his feedings, so he got his feeding tube taken out this morning.  I love looking at his chubby little face without that tube.  He looks like such a big boy.  We had Thanksgiving lunch (courtesy of Cracker Barrel) with Nick's parents and sister and of course spent time cuddling with D.  But, after his 3pm feeding he had another brady.  It's the only one he has had today, but again, we are at least 5 days from going home.  For some reason, the one today really hit me and I had to leave his room and just cry by myself for a few minutes.  I don't want him to come home if he isn't ready, but it is hard when he is doing so well and what seems like a little hiccup continues to keep him here.  I have to tell myself we are so lucky that D is doing so well, but I really feel like we will be living a pretty tense life while we count the hours without a brady.  When he has a good day I can't help but get my hopes up and start imagining him coming home and then bam, a brady, and I am knocked back into reality.

On a more positive note, he is up to 4lbs 14.8oz...5lbs here we come! 

No matter how down I get, I just have to look at his perfect little face and remember all the things I have to be thankful for...wonderful family and friends, a job I enjoy (and employers who have been so understanding), a husband who has been my rock throughout this ordeal, a silly dog I love and my son, who wasn't even supposed to be here for another month, but now that he is here, I couldn't imagine life without him!

The infamous bib I searched everywhere for!

Happy Thanksgiving, from our family to yours

The NICU Family

They say you can't choose your family.  Well, we are now part of the NICU family, and while I certainly would not have chosen to be a part of such a family, we are learning it is a pretty amazing one.  We were out to dinner last week, and being the nosy person I am, I overheard a conversation at the table next to us.  A woman approached this table (there were 2 women with 3 kids at the table) and told the mother she recognized her from the NICU.  The child was probably around 2 or 3, but the nurse recognized the mother and just wanted to tell her hello and ask her how things were going.  I know in a couple of years Dominic is going to be healthy and strong, so I sure hope we run into one of his nurses so they can see exactly what their work really means.  Last night we were at Babies R Us and I was still wearing my "Parent" badge.  The guy in line behind us (who was buying a lot of diapers) asked if we were at Community North.  He then explained that his wife had been in for around 3 weeks (me too!!) and she delivered their twins (which explains all the diapers) at 32 weeks.  They spent 7 weeks here.  We spent a few minutes talking to him about the NICU, the nurses, etc.  We parted ways wishing each other luck.  We had just met another member of the NICU family.  Tonight our nurse brought us a gift bag.  Apparently a few families who spent time here several years ago put together gift bags around the holidays for the families in the NICU.  The bag was full of books, homemade treats and even a Starbucks gift card!  It was our first gift from other members of the NICU family.  This is definitely a journey we never asked for and certainly weren't prepared for, but the people we meet along the way certainly help make it a little easier.

Dominic is continuing to thrive.  He is up to 4lbs 13.3oz and he is measuring 17.4in long.  So, in the last 2 weeks he has gained 13.3oz and grown almost an inch.  His preemie clothes are starting to get a little snug, so it's a good thing I have bought him some pretty cute newborn clothes!  The nurse laid his bed flat tonight (it has been up at an angle to help with reflux), so we will see if he has an increase in brady episodes.  If so, they will lift it back up and possibly address the reflux.  He still has his feeding tube in, but we have only used it once a day and that has only been to put in about 7 or 8ml (out of 36ml).  The nurse seems to think we will take it out tomorrow or Friday at the latest.  He has had a few bradys, with his last one being at 8am today.  Hopefully that was his last one and we can start this 5 day countdown.  I truly believe this will be the hardest part.  We are getting close to the end, but a single brady episode can set us back.  So please, say a little prayer that D is strong enough to keep his heart rate up.  I don't want to rush him, but I am ready for him to be home so my new little family can begin enjoying the holidays.

A little pre-dinner stretching

Musings on My First Holiday Season as a Mother

I can't believe it, I was admitted to the hospital more than 2 weeks before Halloween and here are staring down the barrel of Thanksgiving.  This weekend I decided it was imperative D had an outfit or something that said "My First Thanksgiving".  I mean, what kind of mother would let their child's first Thanksgiving pass without a cute piece of clothing?  So, Saturday night I dragged Nick to Carters, Osh Gosh and Babies R Us.  Apparently, no one else waits until the weekend before Thanksgiving to buy such things because we found nothing!  Then, last night I went to Target...nothing.  Before I gave up completely I popped into Kohl's and there it was...a bib the size of D.  Of course he won't really need it, but I pomise you there will be pictures documenting his first turkey day in his new bib (to be seen in a later post).  And then there's Christmas.  What do you buy a newborn for Christmas?  I bought him his first gift last night...The Lion King DVD.  Okay, maybe I just really wanted it, but isn't the point of having kids so you can be a kid yourself sometimes?!?  It's hard to believe we are going to get to celebrate Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years with Dominic when 2 months ago we were just hoping he would make it before the first of the year so we could get the tax break.  He must be like his mother and just love the holidays so much he couldn't wait!

We have had another big day here in the NICU.  This morning the nurse practitioner came in and told me D is behaving like an older baby.  He is doing so well with his feedings that they he hasn't taken any by tube today and tomorrow they are probably going to let him ad lib.  This means we will still feed him every 3 hours but he will determine how much he eats.  We won't stop him but we won't supplement him either.  If he is able to do that and keep his weight up, the tube is coming out!  So, please, if you are so inclined, say a little prayer that he continues to rock out the bottle feeding.  And, speaking of keeping his weight up, my son is a porker!  He gained 93 grams today...yes, 93!  He is up to 4lbs 10.2oz.  The nurse warned he may drop tomorrow because he has had such ridiculous gains, but we will just have to wait and see.

Snacking on his hand while waiting for his weigh-in

The Boy Can't Be Stopped!

I know yesterday's post was about D's progress with the bottle and I hate to be redundant, but he is a bottle drinking fool!  He has taken a majority of his bottle at every feeding but one today and he actually took his entire feeding by mouth for 3 of his feedings (Daddy is quick to point out the first bottle he actually finished was for him!).  I just can't believe that 2 days ago we were pumped when he took 10 ml and now he is taking around 36ml like a champ!  The progress he is making is awesome.  He gained a little weight today and is up to 4lbs 7oz.  And as of now (knock on wood), he hasn't had any bradys today.  So, in the words of rapper Ice Cube, "today was a good day."

Pooped after killing his bottle

Trying to get rid of the post-bottle hiccups

A Little Progress Everyday

We've had another good day.  D has really been kicking butt with his bottle feedings.  He hasn't finished a bottle yet, but several times he has left only a few ml.  Nursing still isn't coming as easy but that is to be expected.  The doctor even said using the bottle is a good way to get him to come home sooner.  As much as I would like him to nurse more, it is more important to me that he is getting everything he needs and that he gets home with us!  He is still putting on weight like a champ.  He gained 55grams, which brings him to 4lbs 6.3oz.  I can't believe he is closing in on 4.5lbs!  Other than that, we have had a pretty mellow day.  Nick is staying here with me tonight.  Let's see if I can convince him to get up for one of the feedings :)

Look Out, He's on the Bottle!

Apparently white, male preemies are affectionately nicknamed "whimpy, white boys".  Statistics show that when it comes to preemies, girls are stronger than boys and blacks are stronger than whites.  And, as D's neonatologist said, "well, he's definitely a boy and he IS pretty white".  So, he may be whimpy white boy, but he is my whimpy white boy and I think he is perfect!  But, he is just so sleepy all the time and that is where the big hold up on feeding is.  When it comes to nursing, he knows what to do, he just falls asleep.  So, I thought we should give the bottle another try.  At his 6pm feeding he took 10ml of his 32ml feeding.  We were pretty impressed with that.  Little did we know, that was just the beginning.  Since we had to weigh him before his 9pm feeding we had to undress him and jostle him around a bit, so that woke him up.  I decided to try the bottle again and he rocked it!  He took 29ml of his 36ml feeding.  We will still work on nursing as well, but I really feel the bottle will help him reach the milestones we want for him.  He only gained 8g (0.4oz) today, but that's okay, he has gained 140g in the last 3 days (they like to see 30g a day).  So, I would say he is doing well.  He had his usual couple brady episodes today, but nothing out of the ordinary.

I am just so happy I was able to sit here and feed my son.  Feeding your child is something most people take for granted because most babies can just do it after they are born.  D isn't one of those babies, but we are definitely working on it!

I don't know why this pic is posting sideways, but you get the idea!

Prematurity Awareness Day and Grandpa's Birthday

It's amazing how one day you can be pretty much oblivious to something and the next day you have never been more aware of anything in your entire life.  Prematurity is one of those things.  We do have friends that had a preemie years ago (before I ever knew them), but today that preemie is a healthy 7 year old (I hope I have her age right!).  I have only ever known her as that healthy little girl.  So, in all honesty, I had never given much thought to what it meant to have a preemie...until October 14th.  When the swab turned blue and the nurse looked at me and said "your water broke", we became instantly aware of prematurity.  At the time we thought we were going to have a 29w1d preemie and I had never been so scared in my life.  Obviously, that didn't happen.  But, everyday I was in the hospital I would read about horror and success stories involving 29 week preemies, then 30 week preemies, then 31 week preemies, then 32 week preemies and finally 33 week preemies.  I tried not to get too ahead of myself and I would only read stories of preemies who were around the same gestational age Dominic was at the time.  I learned a lot about the struggles preemies and their families face.  I learned a lot about the wonders of the NICU and the advances that continue to be made.  I love D more than I could have ever imagined loving anything, but I wouldn't wish this experience on anyone.  So, I hope the March of Dimes continues to fight for preemies and their families.  I hope all of you will take a few minutes to check out their website (http://www.marchofdimes.com/) and learn about what they do and what prematurity really means.

And speaking of preemies, let's talk about my preemie.  Dominic gained another 52 grams today!  So, he is up to 4lbs 4.1oz.  I guess those extra 4 calories he gets at each feeding are really kicking in.  He has finally been able to keep his temperature up, so he moved to a big boy bed today (it's the typical nursery bed that all babies are in after they are born).  It was wonderful to see the giant isolet rolled out of here.  We tried a bottle today but he was just so sleepy so he really didn't do much with it.  However, he nursed like a rock star at his 9pm feeding.  Grandpa Ray's birthday is today so he dropped by for a visit.  Nick and I had decided that once he was out of his isolet we would let family hold him.  It must have been Grandpa Ray's lucky day, because the day he had planned to visit was the day D got out of the isolet, so he got to hold D for his 6pm feeding.

I am sitting here in Dominic's room typing this and I feel calm.  We had a good day he is sleeping contently and I know when I walk out of here I am just going down the hall.  Happy day!

Grandpa Ray enjoying his birthday present...and then he was lucky enough to take Nick and I out for dinner :)

Big Day for a Big Boy

Dominic gained 80 grams today!  For those of you not used to measuring your weight in grams, that is around 4lbs 2.2oz.  He had lost an ounce yesterday and was back down to 4lbs, so the 2.2oz gain is pretty exciting!  They starting fortifying my milk with the 3:00 pm feed, so hopefully he will continue to gain.  He also got a bath tonight.  We just give him a little sponge bath, but we actually lather up his little head of hair.  He is such an agreeable little guy.  While we were bathing him he just layed there with his eyes open watching us.  After we wash his hair it looks so blonde and fluffy!  His temperature wasn't staying up again today, but at last check it was 98.1, so hopefully he will keep it up and move into his big boy bed.  He has only had one brady today and that was when my friend, Natalie, was visitng.  I think he may have just wanted to show off!

I have to say, I am much more content typing this tonight because we are staying at the hospital.  I have had more of an appetite and just felt better all around today knowing I wouldn't have to leave for the night.  The plan is that I will get up for all of his feedings (midnight, 3 am, 6 am) and take his temp and change his diaper.  If he seems like he wants to nurse we will try it, otherwise I will just hold him for a bit while he gets fed through his tube.  Since I won't have a crying baby to wake me up (because we sleep in a different room), I will have to set an alarm.  Nick has asked me to make sure not to wake him up when I get up...we'll see :)

And for those who don't know - tomorrow is Prematurity Awareness Day - Wear purple for all the babies that deserve their 40 weeks, those that didn't get it, but are healthy today. Wear it for those babies that have fought each and every day to survive. Wear purple for those babies that aren't babies any longer, but still struggle each day with the battle scars of prematurity. Wear it for the babies that are born too early and their bodies cannot do what is asked of them. Wear it for moms and dads that leave their babies in the NICU and for those parents that never bring their baby home. Wear purple for all babies.

All tuckered out after his bath

Happy One Week!

Dominic is one week old today!  It's amazing how time can crawl and fly at the same time.  The days feel like they go slowly, but I also can't believe he has been here a week.  This also means I have been saying goodbye to him every night for 5 nights (since I had 2 nights of staying in the hospital after I had him).  I keep expecting it to get easier and it still hasn't.  We usually leave here around 7:30-7:45.  That means the feeling sick to my stomach begins around 6:30.  Just knowing I have to walk out of this hospital without him makes me physically ill.  After talking to one of the nurses today, who wisely pointed out that the purpose of me going home was to get better, but it clearly was making me sick, I decided I am going to try to room in for a bit.  The NICU has 6 rooms for parents to stay in.  So, if they have one available tomorrow, I'm moving back into the hospital!

Dominic is holding steady at 4lbs 1 oz.  The nurse said they may start fortifying my milk so he is getting more calories.  The more weight he has on him, the easier it is for him to regulate his temperature.  So, I hope they do add the supplement soon.  We are very happy he hasn't really lost weight, but we would love to see him start gaining.  He had several more brady episodes today.  Again, the nurses try to reassure me they are normal, but it doesn't make it any easier.  The occupational therapist came in today and we gave D a massage.  I am quite jealous because bewtween laying in a hospital bed for almost 4 weeks, giving birth and being permanently stressed out, I could sure use one too.  But, I didn't think it was appropriate to ask the therapist to do me next!  Either way, it was great bonding time for D and me and he seemed to really enjoy it.  Besides being calming for him, it apparently sends important messages to his brain.  So, no big steps forward, but no big ones back.  But, regardless, it was a good day because I got to spend it with D!

Life's good when your paci is almost as big as your head!

Brady Is a Bad Word Around Here

Brady has never been a favorite word around these parts (this is, of course, in reference to most Colts fans' hatred of Tom Brady, QB for the New England Patriots).  We now have yet another reason to despise Brady.  But now I am referring to episodes of bradycardia.  Brady episodes refer to when the heart rate (in this case, Dominic's) drops below a certain point.  It is very common in preemies and it is something they outgrow.  However, it is still upsetting to hear the alarm go off when you are holding your baby.  D had two episodes this afternoon.  One was very quick and he brought his heart rate back up on his own within 5 seconds.  The second one last a little longer, but still relatively quick.  Both the doctor and nurse tried to reassure me everything was fine and his episodes are minor, but they are still scary.  Nick and I were told that one of the requirements for a preemie to go home is to have 5 days without a brady episode  The nurse told us they can be frustrating because a baby can go 4 days without one and mom and dad think he will go home the next day, then bam, a brady episode happens and they have to hope for 5 more days.  Although D is doing well, we know we are more than 5 days away from taking him home, so these episodes haven't "reset the clock", but they are still disheartening.

On a more positive note, D's bilirubin levels were down today, so he got off the bili light.  Because of this, Dominic got dressed for the first time today!  It's amazing that a little fleece sleeper, a swaddle sack and hat can make him look like such a big boy!  We were hoping that he could be moved into a regular bed today as well, but he was having a little trouble keeping his temperature up on his own.  But, they have taken the lid off of his isloet and we can take him in and out whenever we want!  D also gained an ounce yesterday, so he is back to 4lbs 1 oz.  We didn't have as succesful of a day at nursing as we did yesterday, but he still gives it a try.

It seems that the last week has caught up with all of us.  I fell asleep on the plastic couch in D's room today and D was hardly awake at all.  The nurse said because D is now working to keep his temp up and he has been working so hard at nursing, it has likely just caught up with him and all that extra work could be an explanation for his brady episodes.  Although everything didn't go as planned today, we still had a few big steps.  So, we will celebrate those and continue watching him grow at his own pace.

A Practice in Positive Thinking

Dominic had another great day.  He lost an ounce, so he is back to his birth weight, but he has still never dropped below that.  The nurses continue to comment on how advanced he is.  While I'm sure they say things like that to all the parents, it is still nice to hear.  His bilirubin levels continue to go down and the nurse is hopeful he will come off of the light soon.  He continues to try (and sometimes succeed) nursing, which is a huge plus.  Because he is doing so well with nursing and they didn't cut down the amount thye put through his feeding tube he got too full and that made him cranky.  D is generally very agreeable, but the nurse couldn't get him to relax in his isolet.  I could have sworn he was going to crawl out of that thing.  So, she asked if I had time to hold him for awhile to help him calm down (as if I would say no!).  It was a wonderful feeling to see him relax almost immediately after she placed him on my chest.  Again, she asked if I was okay holding him for awhile.  Nick had to laugh out loud because he has to force me to put him back under the UV light instead of just holding him all the time.  So, of course, I told her I would hold him as long as I could.  She believes that his bilirubin levels were low enough that it was more important to spend a couple hours of cuddle time with Mommy instead of spending those hours cranky and under his light.

The Colts, on the other hand, did not have a great day.  D's wins and the Colts losses got me thinking.  We have gone through a lot this past month and although I am so happy and feel so lucky that D is doing well, I still have times of mourning and feeling sorry for myself.  So, as they do in the sports world, I thought it would be helpful to put our wins and losses into columns.

Losses
-It may sound silly, but I mourn the loss of the last 11 weeks of my pregnancy.  We had baby showers, maternity photos, Babies R Us shopping trips and so many other things we planned to do that we didn't get a chance to do.
-Everyday that we leave this hospital and go home without D we lose precious time with him.
-Nick and I have lost the notion that anything is sacred or private.  We have seen and said things during this last month that neither of us ever thought we would.

Wins
-We get an extra 7 weeks to hang out with D that we would have never gotten if I would have made it to term.
-We have discovered strengths in one another neither of us ever could have imagined.
-We have been reminded of how amzingly wonderful our friends and family are.  The support and love they have shown has been phenomenal.

While on paper it may look like our record is .500, I know, for a fact we will continue to accumulate wins everyday.  I know I will continue to have moments of forgetting that our wins far outweigh our losses, but then I look at D and suddenly I feel as if we have won the Superbowl, the World Series and every other big championship!

Raise your hand if you're adorable!

The Last Few Days in Photos

Epidural in effect and ready to have this baby!

Just seconds after D was born

Love at first sight

Our first family picture

I had to wait almost 24 hours to cuddle with him, but it was worth it!

Washing his hair

His future's so bright he has to wear shades

Daddy's first time holding him

Awake and ready to eat

Miracles Happen Everyday

If you are visiting this blog, you likely know our story, so I won't spend too much time on the details.  But, to quickly bring you up to speed, I was pregnant for 29 weeks and 1 day when my water broke.  I laid in the hospital for 3 weeks and 4 days doing my best to stay pregnant.  And, on November 8th at 3:31 pm the littlest Rabiola, Dominic Scott, decided he had waited long enough and he made his entrance.  It was a miracle he wasn't born the night my water broke, it was a miracle I was able to stay pregnant for almost 4 more weeks (80% of people deliver within 1 week of their water breaking) and it was (and continues to be) a miracle that Dominic is doing so well.  We hope to use this blog to keep our friends and family updated on Dominic's progress and our little family.  We may not be the most exciting people around, but we are lucky enough to have so many people that love and care about us and we want them to have a place to keep up with us!
Today marks D's 5th day of life and his 5th day in the NICU.  First of all, let me just say that we feel so lucky to have so many wonderful people looking after D.  We know he is getting the best care possible!  D was 4 lbs the day he was born and he is weighing in at 4lbs 1oz now.  Luckily, he has never needed assistance with breathing.  The first few days he was showing some spotty breathing patterns, but his NP said they have pretty much resolved themselves.  Until yesterday he had an IV in his tiny foot that supplied antibiotics and sugar water.  But, he is done with his antibiotics and they have upped his feedings enough that he no longer needs the IV and that was taken out last night (yay!).  At this point he is taking all of his "food" through a feeding tube in his nose, but he is trying to nurse as well.  This is pretty exciting because the doctor has told us that most babies (especially boys) aren't able to even try to nurse until later.  So, clearly D is advanced, but with parents like his, who would expect any less :)
As a preemie, his bilirubin levels (cause of jaundice) are high, so he is under the UV light.  They seem to think he should only be under that for a few more days, at which point we can start dressing him and work on getting him out of his isolet (his little plastic home).  The nurses continue to be amazed with his progress and so do we.  Like the title of this post says, miracles happen every day...and we call our daily miracle Dominic!